Pokerface.

Hello, and welcome to the Neglected Backwater. Today we will take a look at the underground community of rollerskating. You may now ask yourself: "There is an underground community of roller skaters," or: "Why would I want to know about roller skaters?" These are all legitimate questions that I may not be able to answer. There is only one thing that I can certainly provide, and that is laughter. The unique thing about the underground skating community is that it may not be any different than a convention of bus drivers. I will now highlight some of the more colorful characters one might see at their local skating rink.



Our first subject looked a lot like this man. I first noticed him when I was on the ground, after falling on my only real go around. As I was on my knees, this man skated backwards around me dancing. In the backstory we crafted for him, he was a dentist who could only relieve stress through skating. He was good. His favorite thing was to dance while skating backwards while talking to people on his cell phone. Words can't describe how impressive he was.




The only thing I really have to say about our second subject is that he invited us to his hundreth birthday party... in 34 years. He also hit on anything in the room. Didn't even care which set of parts they had. North Canton Roller Rink to him was some sort of pansexual bazaar. He wanted us to come back next week, and told us about the rounds he made around the state to go to roller rinks. I have to give a sympathetic shout out to Emily for this, she was a real trooper for not calling the police on him. We really should have asked if he lived within 1000 feet of a school or park.


I couldn't find a picture of a black man rollerskating that looked like the one we saw. Those pictures don't exist on google apparantly. Our mark was wearing a silk shirt. He would not skate. He stood in the middle on his skates, and danced to the music. He and his mother were the only non-white people there. This boy was good as well. In the backstory, he was a backup dancer for Kayne West music videos, as well as the man behind the vocals. Sadly for him, due to the auto-tune, no one knows or cares it was actually him.

















There were many more colorful characters. And maybe someday, we'll make a documentary about this underground. But for now, we just hope and dream that these people never reproduce.